Teen Week 2012 – Words That Heal: You ARE Perfect #teenweek

March 27, 2012 § 6 Comments

I wanted to start off by saying something like “When I was a teenager, things were different. I was not bullied, or had body issues, and everyone was so very nice to me.” But I would have been wrong. Oh, so wrong. That’s why when my friend mentioned something about teen week on Twitter, I knew I had to link up with Mara from Medicinal Marzipan for Teen Week: Words That Heal.

I was a quirky kooky awkward teenager. And a really thin one, that wore double zero jeans. “Oh I wish my hips were like yours. I bet you have no trouble finding jeans that fit you.” is something I heard often. They were so wrong. If I didn’t find jeans in my size, I had to have them tailored. When people saw me eat in the cafeteria, they just assumed I would puke it out later. I was thin and I hated it. I loathed how thin I was. No matter how much I ate, I wouldn’t gain much. I hated it because I was constantly self-conscious people were staring at me to find yet another one of my flaws.

So you want to know where I started to eat my lunch? In the restroom. In the library, my home away from home. Outside by the art class I loved. Anywhere that people wouldn’t stare at me. I hated being stared at because I didn’t feel pretty. I felt ugly because of my “lack of curves”. Because I didn’t have a boyfriend when it seemed like the entire world did. You can’t let things that people say to you bring you down. You can’t let remarks like the ones that cut so very deeply, get to you. Because you’re stronger than that. Stop second guessing yourself, because guess what? You’re perfectly beautiful the way you are. Yes, even if you think you have the smallest boobs in your class. Yes, even if you have braces or a chipped tooth. Even with a few pimples. Even if your pants don’t fit you just so. Even with the scars you try to hide. Celebrate your body because every little part of you makes you YOU.

Body issues weren’t my only issues, unfortunately. I started to pull my hair. I had bald spots because I had Trichotillomania {a type of psychological condition that involves strong urges to pull hair} and didn’t know it yet. I was pulling from stress about everything going on with me. But not just for that reason. I also noticed that some of the hairs in my head weren’t perfect, just like I thought I wasn’t. The hairs that weren’t perceived beautiful and pretty and perfect by me? Were instantly pulled out. The little flaws I thought my hair had, were punished by being pulled out. This is something I still struggle with, even today. But I’m working on it, just like I’m working on loving myself more and more, because I am enough. I am perfectly beautiful just the way I am, I just wish someone had told me that when I was younger.

My advice? Smile at yourself in the mirror. Yes, even if you have to fake it at first. Because then? You’ll actually believe it. You’ll believe that you are perfect the way you are. Stop talking bad about yourself. Stop saying “I’m too fat. I hate my boobs. I don’t like my nose. I’m too ____.” Stop bullying yourself. Have the courage. You’re beautiful. Write notes to yourself and leave them in random places in your room, books, mirror. Own your quirkyness and kookyness. Listen to Pink’s Perfect, because she’s right, oh my god, so right. Or have Kurt and Blaine (from Glee) sing it to you. And play it over and over until it implants in your brain, if you don’t believe it just yet.

You’ll make it, I promise.

You Say You Want A Resolution

December 31, 2011 § 1 Comment

Well you know… We all want to change the world..

Every year, I see a ton of posts in my twitter (and tumblr) stream talking about all the things and plans they plan to achieve the coming year. Some want to actually finish a 365 photo challenge. Some want to do something that scare them. And some plan to letting go of things, of people, and negative thoughts.

In the past, I’ve made a lot of resolutions that I never went through with. Some that I started but never went as far as the first week. And some that I meant to finish but slacked off or put them off and never went back to.

This year, though, my dreams and resolutions are more realistic than previous years. Some may seem impossible to reach for me now… But I have faith in myself. I’m stronger and dammit, I will go through and kick these resolutions in the ass.

1. Stop caring what people think of me so much. This is a new year, a fresh new start. I want to breathe in deeply, smile, and scream at them “shut the fuck up and suck my dick!” Of course, I’ll just be thinking of saying it but not actually rapping it.

2. Be more organized and clutterless. I want to have cubbies and organized closets and I want to tackle the closet everyone is scared to open. Of course, I don’t expect my apartment in the next martha stewart magazine or anything like that. I just want it organized and neat enough to not freak out when I have unannounced guests at my door.

3. Write more. It doesn’t even have to be on this blog. It can be on my real life journal. Or the journal app I have on my phone. Or even scribble on a diner napkin. The point is to write it out. Write out my feelings, frustrations, my goals and dreams, or a novel.

4. Along with the previous one, I will also make a habit of writing down the things I’m grateful for, daily. It’s more of a lifestyle and not a resolution, but it’s something I need to make a habit of and not to take the things I’m blessed with for granted.

5. One of my goals for 2011 was to read more. I actually managed to read more than 52 books. I’m quite proud of that achievement. In high school I used to read {on average} a book a day. Of course I’m not setting myself to do that for 2012, but I hope to read as many books as I did this year.

6. Be more present. Be more present when visiting with family or just at home with my daughter and husband. My daughter should not be pretending to check her damn email during story time. Play with my daughter until she tells me to get lost. I want to play with her and give her all of my attention to her {and leave some for my husband, of course} while I still have a baby baking. I want to soak up the moments when we’re telling each other secrets through giggle fests. I want to build as many puzzles as I can with her and frame them. Coloring is one of my favorite things to do with her and I’m going to buy as many coloring books as the dollar aisle in Target and the dollar store has to offer.

7. Bake more. I have so many things pinned on Pinterest and saved as favorites and bookmarks that I want to try, but I lack the energy and motivation to actually get in the kitchen and do it. Also, I would need to hire a dish washer because can you imagine how many dishes and things will get dirty? I need to stop being lazy and get into the kitchen. Also, I want to cook more… and hope to not burn my apartment down. It’s a good thing I live SO close to the fire station.

8. Stop telling myself I can’t do the things I want to do in my life and start finding a way to make those dreams a reality. I am good enough. And dammit, I’m awesome. And I will make a point to smile more and to tell myself good things while I’m looking at myself in the mirror, naked.

9. Do at least three things from my life list. I have a few in mind that I can do while pregnant and some that I can do after I have the baby, and I’m already excited about planning and figuring things out.

10. Stop. Pulling. My. Hair.

And now, I leave you with this adorable video of two of my most favorite people in Hollywood. Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt singing What Are You Doing New Years Eve?

 

Are you setting goals / resolutions for 2012? Be clutterless? Do a 365 project?

A Hands Down-a-Thon update

September 6, 2011 § Leave a comment

Because I’m a little of an overachiever, I’m part of two fundraisers now. I know what you’re thinking…. That I’m nuts. And you’re probably right, but you all know how I feel about things I’m passionate about.

You know about one. The one I am doing for two straight months. If you’re feeling particularly generous, click to donate to raise money for the Trichotillomania Learning Center, a place that helps skin pickers and hair pullers with resources and the support we need. I have already pulled once in the past six days. This is huge news because I usually pull more than five times a day. It has taken some serious willpower for my hand to not pull a strand.

The other is a fundraiser turned auction to raise funds for Band Back Together to become an official non profit organization! I’ll write more about that on Thursday! But for now, I ask for your support. If you have an ounce of creativity or craftiness in you, please consider donating a piece or service to The Band in support of us becoming a non-profit and reaching more people than we normally would. To break down stigmas. To let people know that they are not alone. To let people know they are loved and beautiful. That there are strength in numbers.

If you’re interested in donating an item or a service, please, don’t hesitate to email me or comment. My email is right on the sidebar right there. If you can, I’d love a picture of what you’re donating and the price you’d like to start the bidding. Thanks so much!

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