Teen Week 2012 – Words That Heal: You ARE Perfect #teenweek

March 27, 2012 § 6 Comments

I wanted to start off by saying something like “When I was a teenager, things were different. I was not bullied, or had body issues, and everyone was so very nice to me.” But I would have been wrong. Oh, so wrong. That’s why when my friend mentioned something about teen week on Twitter, I knew I had to link up with Mara from Medicinal Marzipan for Teen Week: Words That Heal.

I was a quirky kooky awkward teenager. And a really thin one, that wore double zero jeans. “Oh I wish my hips were like yours. I bet you have no trouble finding jeans that fit you.” is something I heard often. They were so wrong. If I didn’t find jeans in my size, I had to have them tailored. When people saw me eat in the cafeteria, they just assumed I would puke it out later. I was thin and I hated it. I loathed how thin I was. No matter how much I ate, I wouldn’t gain much. I hated it because I was constantly self-conscious people were staring at me to find yet another one of my flaws.

So you want to know where I started to eat my lunch? In the restroom. In the library, my home away from home. Outside by the art class I loved. Anywhere that people wouldn’t stare at me. I hated being stared at because I didn’t feel pretty. I felt ugly because of my “lack of curves”. Because I didn’t have a boyfriend when it seemed like the entire world did. You can’t let things that people say to you bring you down. You can’t let remarks like the ones that cut so very deeply, get to you. Because you’re stronger than that. Stop second guessing yourself, because guess what? You’re perfectly beautiful the way you are. Yes, even if you think you have the smallest boobs in your class. Yes, even if you have braces or a chipped tooth. Even with a few pimples. Even if your pants don’t fit you just so. Even with the scars you try to hide. Celebrate your body because every little part of you makes you YOU.

Body issues weren’t my only issues, unfortunately. I started to pull my hair. I had bald spots because I had Trichotillomania {a type of psychological condition that involves strong urges to pull hair} and didn’t know it yet. I was pulling from stress about everything going on with me. But not just for that reason. I also noticed that some of the hairs in my head weren’t perfect, just like I thought I wasn’t. The hairs that weren’t perceived beautiful and pretty and perfect by me? Were instantly pulled out. The little flaws I thought my hair had, were punished by being pulled out. This is something I still struggle with, even today. But I’m working on it, just like I’m working on loving myself more and more, because I am enough. I am perfectly beautiful just the way I am, I just wish someone had told me that when I was younger.

My advice? Smile at yourself in the mirror. Yes, even if you have to fake it at first. Because then? You’ll actually believe it. You’ll believe that you are perfect the way you are. Stop talking bad about yourself. Stop saying “I’m too fat. I hate my boobs. I don’t like my nose. I’m too ____.” Stop bullying yourself. Have the courage. You’re beautiful. Write notes to yourself and leave them in random places in your room, books, mirror. Own your quirkyness and kookyness. Listen to Pink’s Perfect, because she’s right, oh my god, so right. Or have Kurt and Blaine (from Glee) sing it to you. And play it over and over until it implants in your brain, if you don’t believe it just yet.

You’ll make it, I promise.

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